Posts Tagged family
Open Book
I’ve been doing a lot of introspection the past couple weeks. One of the drawbacks about putting your thoughts and feelings out there in the blogosphere is that not everyone will love what you have to say, all day, every day.
Shocker, right?!
Naturally, I know it comes with the territory; it’s a risk I have to take, both as a writer, and also as someone who is trying to overcome a challenge. I have to realize that when I broach touchy subjects (or any subject, really), some people will possibly be turned off by my words, and some people might feel annoyed, frustrated, or upset reading my words …
Likewise, I never know what will be a “good post” or an “eh post.” Some days I see zero comments (but 700 hits) and other days I get a ton of comments on a particular post, or follow-up e-mails.
Comments are good; they create a dialogue, which is one of my blog’s missions. Often your comments (positive or not) lead to another post, and I do that because I’m listening … observing … absorbing.
Deep down, I know change doesn’t emerge from stagnancy … and so I know in my heart that writing/blogging about the good, the bad, and the ugly has helped myself and others. And I do believe that without it, I might not be where I am today on this journey.
That said, whereas before I wrote my thoughts and feelings in a journal and no one but me could read them … now my thoughts are out there for the world to read. And that can be a daunting notion. (more…)
7 comments April 29, 2009
Perception and Reality
I had an epiphany after watching THIN for the second time, this time with my husband.
Needless to say, he was very, very disturbed by the movie. I’ll be honest, part of why I wanted him to see it was to show him, “Yes I am still struggling, but look, I’m not as extreme as these girls.”
But my husband is incredibly bright, and he knows me so well that it’s scary. While he agrees that I’m not as extreme as those girls, he picked up on some of the things the girls did — their behaviors — that mirrored mine.
To name a few … changing clothes 3 million times (guilty since age 7?), staring at myself in the mirror and prodding (totally a weight loss result — the obsession), chewing-and-spitting (my formerly shameful secret; now I just relapse from time to time), picking apart their food (guilty!), obsessing over weight gain, real or imagined (I try not to, but sometimes find myself doing it) ordering specifically (though that’s nothing new really; I’ve been a picky eater for as long as I can recall); ordering “diety.” (I’ve gotten better with this one).
And I wonder if subconsciously, I wanted him to point these things out in the film. Because they’re all things he’s been concerned about for me for years now; things he’s tried to talk me out of and things that, especially in the beginning, I shrugged off (”I’m not obsessing!”.)
All this time, he’s just wanted to make me see I am beautiful as I am, that I don’t need to obsess over my body, that there’s more to life than my outer self. (more…)
12 comments January 12, 2009
Accepting Deprivation With Grace
“You need to learn to accept deprivation with grace,” Dr. G. advised me last night.
“You’ll need to change your mindset about how you’re viewing their visit… and it won’t be easy.”
(In case you haven’t figured out by now, Thursday generally = therapy).
We were talking about my anxiety levels with my in-laws being here, and how it no doubt puts a strain on my relationship with my husband, as well as how I feel about myself and my quasi-”hateful” reactions at times.
She said no doubt I am deprived right now (she said she would be too!): my whole house has been “invaded,” foreign objects and foods and “things” are everywhere, depriving me of my sense of “order”.
There’s a language challenge (despite me speaking Spanish and my mother-in-law speaking English, neither of us are completely fluent anymore) which means my communication abilities are deprived. (more…)
13 comments August 22, 2008
Family Ties
In my backyard this weekend
Some roles never change, and I’m grateful for that. While I am super-close with my parents and consider them two of my best friends, I know that, as my parents, they would do anything to protect me and want to see me overcome my disordered eating–to see myself as they see me: their strong, beautiful, smart, sensitive daughter.
This past weekend, they came to visit us for a couple days. It wasn’t long enough for any of us, but I am so happy they were able to be here and see our life here, even just for a glimpse.
It was also the first time we’d seen each other since I’d come clean about my disordered eating and I’d started the blog. (more…)
2 comments August 11, 2008
Let the Flooding Begin… “5 Lost Weeks”
I had therapy again last night and let me just say, I am so grateful to have started this process when I did, because I’m about to begin a super-challenging chapter of my life.
My mother-in-law and sister-in-law (who is 36 and sweet as can be but severely, severely mentally challenged) will be visiting/staying with us from El Salvador (where they live) for five weeks, starting August 15.
I won’t go into the specifics of why this is such a big deal…it’s not just cultural and language differences…and I am not here to bash them; I’m not a malicious person. She is a wonderful woman who has had many challenges in her life and raised an incredible son, my husband, and a wonderful, very special daughter–all single-handedly.
But, to be blunt, it’s a lot for me mentally and emotionally (as well as physically) having them here for that long for many, many reasons.
One of which is, I am a control freak, and I don’t deal well when I am thrown in situations that make me uncomfortable.
But really, let’s be honest here, five weeks is a long time to host anyone. (more…)
10 comments August 8, 2008
