Posts Tagged eating disorders
How Disordered Do You Want to Be?
I ask this because I, like you, have a choice.
The answer for me is … not at all.
We have a choice. We might tell ourselves our disordered minds are in control, but they’re not. We are.
If we punish ourselves with restriction or over-exercising, or if we punish ourselves with a binge, we’re doing it to ourselves.
It’s not about the food or the exercise; it’s always about something else. Food or exercise (lack of it or over-abundance of it) is a coping mechanism.
And I don’t want to use either as my coping mechanisms any longer.
This weekend, during an Honest.Open.Willing. chat with my husband, he asked me point-blank, “When will the obsession end?”
He sees me more than any of my friends and family, and he sees glimmers of hope, some aspects of behavioral change. He knows I want to be better, to be more fun again, to be the happy girl I was when I was heavy … but he (as well as others close to me) have said, ” … but the obsession is still there.”
He’s right, it is.
I want to turn it off. I don’t want to be disordered, or have disordered thoughts, or to make progress only to fall back. (more…)
19 comments April 9, 2009
The Help Tab
Like any savvy blogger, I check my blog’s stats each day. I like to know how people are finding my blog, where they’re coming from … and — most importantly — what they’re clicking on.
While it’s always nice to see comments, or to see how many hits a particular entry got … or didn’t get, which sometimes happens, too … the data point that interests me most is how many people are clicking on the HELP page each day.
As it turns out, at least 267 people have clicked on the help link since I added it in late November. That means a lot to me. (more…)
9 comments March 27, 2009
THIN: The HBO Documentary
A part of me fears the following post might be too sensitive or hit too close to home for some readers. I say this because I know my audience ranges from people without any eating disorders and weight issues; people with eating disorders and weight issues; people trying to lose weight; people who have lost weight and kept it off; disordered eaters … friends, family … my readership is all over the place and I love the variety.
I deeply respect and admire the women in this film who sought help, whether it was for the first time or the fifteenth time … and I wish everyone with an ED could do the same: get help. It takes a ton of courage to make that call or visit, and so I have utmost respect for these ladies. And so the readers I’m mostly concerned about in this post are those currently in the throes of their eating disorders; I don’t want to upset anyone — hence today’s pre-post note.
Personally, I don’t know what it’s like to starve myself, and I don’t know what it’s like to binge or purge … I don’t pretend to know what it’s like; for all my disordered eating behaviors, I’ve never dealt with anorexia or bulimia. Though I am coming at this film more as someone perpetually struggling with her weight/body acceptance more than as someone with a clinical eating disorder, I do realize just how serious these diseases are.
Please know I’m not judging anyone; I simply care. My blog is about transparency and being honest, and I can’t sugarcoat how I felt after seeing something so moving.
That said, here is my review of the HBO documentary THIN (2006) which I finally saw for the first time Wednesday night. (more…)
17 comments January 9, 2009
Blurring the Lines: Eating Disorders and Disordered Eating
When I began blogging, I always considered being a disordered eater a separate entity from having an eating disorder.
After all, every woman seems to be a “disordered eater” in one way or another.
And since I never truly binged; never binged and purged (I cry when I throw up; last time was alcohol-induced, at a Dave Matthews Band concert back in 1999); and never starved myself, I was “in the clear,” so to speak … at least in my own little head.
I didn’t classify myself with the girls who threw up their lunches or worked out for four hours a day and lived on lettuce leaves.
I had a complex, thinking, “Well, I’d do anything but that …” as though that made me less culpable or something.
In my head, I wasn’t one of “them”. I just exercised a lot and watched every morsel that went into my mouth.
But I mean, really, who was I kidding? I still had a big, undeniable problem. What might sound admirable (being a militant exerciser and keeping a meticulous food journal) was hurting me –and those I love and who love me — in more ways than one. (more…)
15 comments November 11, 2008
Article Worth Sharing
In Tuesday’s New York Times, there was a good muti-media piece called Patient Voices: Eating Disorders.
Sometimes it’s good to see someone else’s perspectives on the demons we face — or are at risk of facing.
It makes me feel lucky that I’m not only seeking therapy now, but also living through blogotherapy as well, hitting this from two angles and making progress.
I hope you, too, are finding yourself healing as time goes on. Happy Friday!
2 comments October 17, 2008
