Posts Tagged chewing and spitting
Chew/Spit Free … 6 Weeks and Counting
People say it takes 21 days to create a habit, and I’m guessing it takes a little longer to resist a habit.
That said, I just wanted to share with everyone here that I’ve been chew/spit free for six weeks now! … A tremendous accomplishment, and one of which I am very, very proud.
It doesn’t mean I am confident enough to say six weeks means I’m out of the woods just yet –we all know blips on the radar, pebbles on the road are part of the recovery process–but I am so happy to be where I am mentally right now, in this moment. (No jinxing it, ok?!)
I owe a big thank you to my friends and family and husband who really helped me see that THIS IS IN MY CONTROL. (more…)
13 comments April 21, 2009
From Guilt to Pride
Coming off the heels of my last therapy session last night (at least for now) I had a pretty powerful conversation with my younger brother Thursday night, who lives in California.
He doesn’t read my blog, but he knows what has been going on, and he’s been concerned.
The last time we spoke about chewing and spitting a couple months ago, I’d gone three weeks without doing it, which was a pretty good streak.
And so he was surprised to hear from my sister that I still sometimes did it. He knew of the conversation I’d had with her earlier this week (which instigated the “to blog or not to blog” post) and so when he called, he expressed concern.
We talked for a long time — I’m super-close with my siblings, so this isn’t abnormal — and one of the things that he said really hit home.
He asked how I feel after I chew and spit, and I told the truth. I said usually, I feel guilty because it’s such a gross behavior. But sometimes, I acknowledged, it feels good.
He asked if, knowing how bad it often makes me feel most of the time, I could just not buy the candy bar at all, especially if I bought it solely with the intent to spit.
Since I’d shared with him how c/s is my “rebellion,” he suggested maybe then I’d be able to “rebel” against chewing and spitting it, since I fully agreed it’s an unhealthy and gross habit. (more…)
10 comments March 20, 2009
Chewing and Spitting & “The Bases”
You probably remember “the bases” from middle school and high school. You know: the locker-room gossip about how far someone would go sexually.
Well, I’m about to make a kind of crazy, provocative analogy that I truly hope won’t offend anyone, but it’s one that I’ve been thinking in my head for a long time now … and only now, do I feel comfortable enough to share it here with you, my readers.
One of the questions Dr. G. asked me (when I initially started therapy and we were talking about anxiety and my perfectionist tendencies) was how things are in the bedroom for me –am I able to “let go” and enjoy sex/intimacy.
I was kind of surprised, because I certainly wasn’t seeking therapy for marital problems or sexual problems of any kind.
But I guess when she heard so much about my tendencies to restrict certain foods at certain times, over-exercise, obsessive calorie-counting, negative body image etc., chewing and spitting — i.e., my tendency not handle such things in moderation — she was concerned perhaps those tendencies also flowed into my personal life (read as, sex life). (more…)
16 comments March 17, 2009
Thou Shalt Not Eat While Standing Up
Thanksgiving 2007 table; not an every-day setting but pretty and inviting, right?
But I am a firm believer in planning — and am pretty darn good at it.
In fact, my ability to make a plan and stick to it is one of the “plusses” of being an anxious person, Dr. G. tells me.
It’s why I excelled at school, always turn work assignments in on time, and am rarely late, and usually know where I want to be in a week, a month, a year, and beyond.
It’s also how I lost weight so easily five years ago: I had a plan, and didn’t stray. I can attribute it to why I am so easily and naturally disciplined about my fitness regimen.
And, going outside the food/weight realm, it’s also probably why I’ve never gotten involved in drugs and didn’t hook up in my teens; I dated.
I was straight as an arrow, and damn proud of it … and I never really rebelled in college, though I’m sure I could have gone down that path had I not been so fearful of failure or disappointing myself or my family.
Yes, sometimes this planning/structured mode I exist in means I miss the forest for the trees, and maybe I’m not spontaneous and as fun/flexible as I could be …
But for the most part, this side of my personality can be a big plus and Dr. G. wants me to see it that way; that my anxiety isn’t a crutch or an impediment but rather a “gift” — an attribute on which I ought to capitalize. (more…)
8 comments January 4, 2009
Reframing the “Catch”
The other night over the phone, my mom told me how proud she was of my behavior this weekend — both she and my sister noticed how little (if at all) I talked about food, exercise, anything. I wasn’t, in their words, “obsessive” like I usually am. Coming from them, it meant the world to me.
My mom also acknowledged how she understood the challenges I faced — being surrounded by food 24/7 with family who love to eat as much as I do — and how she thought I handled it like a champ.
She said she didn’t know what I was doing or how I was doing it (not obsessing), but she could see a change in me, I seemed calmer, more resolute maybe? (more…)
7 comments December 3, 2008
A Holiday “Catch”
I’m not going to lie … I had an amazing, wonderful, fabulous weekend with my family in South Carolina, but (of course there’s a but) …
I had a chew-and-spit-incident … the first in weeks. And the worst part? I got caught red-handed by my mom. Um, can we say … humilating?
It just goes to show that disordered eating is not something that just goes away within a couple months of therapy; it ebbs and flows and the behaviors can show up when we least expect it.
The good news is I had such a fun weekend — I really focused on the family and not the food (though it was abundant and delicious), and remembered my own “holiday hints”.
I savored sitting around the table each day (multiple times!) with my favorite people — my husband, my parents and siblings, my aunt, uncle, cousins, and old family friends … just catching up and spending quality time together, something so rare — and so beautiful. (more…)
15 comments December 1, 2008
The Low-Down on Chewing-and-Spitting
So those of you following my blog know that chewing-and-spitting has been one of my two main disordered eating issues (along with midnight eating).
I know how gross it is, how sick it sounds, and how wrong it is. But many of us disordered eaters do it, I’m learning. And I’m not proud of it. It’s a waste of food, and a waste of the pleasure food can bring.
Fortunately, I’m working on it and making some progress. I am proud to say that I’ve been “sober” for six full days now, and it’s been hard at times, but I am coping.
As a good friend says, “I’m taking it one day at a time … “
In comments on a previous post, Lila shared this link that I think does an excellent job of explaining what chewing-and-spitting entails and why it’s so dangerous.
Here’s some highlights (direct quotes from Trisha Gura, PhD.’s blog)
What is it?
“Chewing and spitting out food is an old eating-disordered behavior only now coming to light. It’s the latest trend in eating disorders, not because the behavior is new, rather because the online community is rapidly passing around the secret. The mechanism is simple: a person who chews and spits puts food in his or her mouth, tastes it, chews it and then spits it out without swallowing in the hopes of getting some enjoyment out of food, while not having to suffer the weight-gain consequences.”
(more…)
18 comments September 23, 2008
Tummy Troubles: Mind-Body Connections
Image credit: DKI Images
Immediately after, my stomach started to ache. I found this odd, since I was soooo happy Friday, knowing it was the day we were bringing my in-laws to O’Hare, their visit complete.
So I assumed it was food posioning.
Well, as it turns out, I am not sure if I had indeed eaten something bad, or if it was the combination of stress melding with my impending period, or if it was guilt I felt for being not the best wife, friend, or daughter during this time … but whatever the case, I spent most of the weekend cooped up nursing a tummy-ache.
Doing some reading, it seems I am not alone. Stress can certainly cause stomach-aches and given all the other factors, it’s no wonder! (more…)
7 comments September 22, 2008
Internal Battle: Me vs. Me
Image credit: http://english.pravda.ru
On the one hand, I want to be “free” from the chains of dieting, which I talked about yesterday, being tenet “numero uno” of Intuitive Eating.
I know that this will be the next step toward overcoming my disordered eating habits, which have really been dwindled down in the past two months to the occasional midnight snack and the now-more-frequent chewing-and-spitting incidents.
But on the other hand, I feel like my life is in this state of limbo right now, and since I don’t have the freedom at home to prep-cook and plan and since a lot of meals are uncertain, the only thing keeping my sanity seems to be counting Points and my daily workouts.
And then making matters worse, my lovely monthly visitor arrives today, wreaking havoc on my emotions. I don’t like the person I become for two to three days each month. And now, my behavior matters even more, as I have an audience (our visitors).
I’ve been told that perhaps I am focusing too much on “me” during this time and I ought to direct my emotions toward my husband and giving him the ability to enjoy his visit with his family.
Perhaps I have been too selfish. People who know me well know I wear my heart on my sleeve; that I am a giver, generous, thoughtful … But this person I stare at in the mirror lately is full of rage, loathing, distaste…she’s ugly.
This isn’t how I want to be.
So for today, I’d like to not fight myself. I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t want to dislike the “me” I am at the moment.
And if I can’t handle breaking 100% from the dieting mentality right now, so be it. I’d rather count Points and keep up my workouts and maintain my sanity then go off the deep end because I can’t handle all the changes at once.
I’m going to give myself credit for what I am doing right now: continuing my exercise regimen, continuing to eat healthy, and not letting an uncomfortable situation turn me into a binge monster.
(OK truth be told I’ve never really had an all-out “binge” the way everyone else defines a binge, but I have snacked mindlessly all the while counting Points … and to me that out-of-control feeling of eating food I don’t need qualifies as a binge).
Bottom line: I do know that Intuitive Eating and Core are where I want to be…and I’ll get there. It might just be at my own pace.
How about you? How do you handle internal battles? What can you give yourself credit for today?
12 comments August 26, 2008
