Posts Tagged blogotherapy
Open Book
I’ve been doing a lot of introspection the past couple weeks. One of the drawbacks about putting your thoughts and feelings out there in the blogosphere is that not everyone will love what you have to say, all day, every day.
Shocker, right?!
Naturally, I know it comes with the territory; it’s a risk I have to take, both as a writer, and also as someone who is trying to overcome a challenge. I have to realize that when I broach touchy subjects (or any subject, really), some people will possibly be turned off by my words, and some people might feel annoyed, frustrated, or upset reading my words …
Likewise, I never know what will be a “good post” or an “eh post.” Some days I see zero comments (but 700 hits) and other days I get a ton of comments on a particular post, or follow-up e-mails.
Comments are good; they create a dialogue, which is one of my blog’s missions. Often your comments (positive or not) lead to another post, and I do that because I’m listening … observing … absorbing.
Deep down, I know change doesn’t emerge from stagnancy … and so I know in my heart that writing/blogging about the good, the bad, and the ugly has helped myself and others. And I do believe that without it, I might not be where I am today on this journey.
That said, whereas before I wrote my thoughts and feelings in a journal and no one but me could read them … now my thoughts are out there for the world to read. And that can be a daunting notion. (more…)
7 comments April 29, 2009
To Blog or Not to Blog …
I have to admit, it was very good for me to take a whole day off from obsessing about disordered eating: emailing, blogging, talking … I nixed it all.
Even my friends I usually speak openly about this stuff with, I had to back off. And it was good. I didn’t chew/spit, didn’t overeat, didn’t over-exercise … just “was,” and it felt nice.
I thought long and hard about this, took into account what all of you shared (online or offline) and it means a ton to me to know how much support there is out there.
The thing is, I love to write, and so I am ready to be back, but perhaps on different terms. What I mean is, I might not write every day, five nights a week like I have been, but I am not going to stop Tales; life doesn’t stop and therefore my blog — a form of art imitating life — … shouldn’t stop, either.
Unless it’s what I want. (more…)
5 comments March 19, 2009
Perception and Reality
I had an epiphany after watching THIN for the second time, this time with my husband.
Needless to say, he was very, very disturbed by the movie. I’ll be honest, part of why I wanted him to see it was to show him, “Yes I am still struggling, but look, I’m not as extreme as these girls.”
But my husband is incredibly bright, and he knows me so well that it’s scary. While he agrees that I’m not as extreme as those girls, he picked up on some of the things the girls did — their behaviors — that mirrored mine.
To name a few … changing clothes 3 million times (guilty since age 7?), staring at myself in the mirror and prodding (totally a weight loss result — the obsession), chewing-and-spitting (my formerly shameful secret; now I just relapse from time to time), picking apart their food (guilty!), obsessing over weight gain, real or imagined (I try not to, but sometimes find myself doing it) ordering specifically (though that’s nothing new really; I’ve been a picky eater for as long as I can recall); ordering “diety.” (I’ve gotten better with this one).
And I wonder if subconsciously, I wanted him to point these things out in the film. Because they’re all things he’s been concerned about for me for years now; things he’s tried to talk me out of and things that, especially in the beginning, I shrugged off (”I’m not obsessing!”.)
All this time, he’s just wanted to make me see I am beautiful as I am, that I don’t need to obsess over my body, that there’s more to life than my outer self. (more…)
12 comments January 12, 2009
From the Doc’s Couch to Your Laptop
I met with Dr. G. last night and shared with her my concerns about blogging, as well as those of my loved ones who voiced their concern that perhaps ithis outlet was fueling my obsession and hurting me, rather than helping me.
I shared that I got a variety of responses from my readers and loved ones, and how I wanted her opinion as a professional. If, as my therapist, she saw harm in it.
So she asked me if my chewing-and-spitting and midnight incidents had lessened since blogging, as this was the behavior we were initially working to change. (Yes — they still occur but far more infrequently than pre-blogging).
She asked me if I enjoy blogging. (Yes, absolutely).
And she asked me if I would miss it if I didn’t do it. (Yes, I think I would; I love to write). (more…)
13 comments December 10, 2008
Separating Rational & Irrational Thoughts
I had therapy last night and, as always, it was a great session with Dr. G.
Now I’m going every other week, and we’re building off each past experience every time we meet. I’m much more comfortable, and it’s awesome how she really “gets” me…and helps me “get” me, too.
Captain Obvious would say, “OK, but she is trained to do this, Melissa.” This much is true.
Still, I marvel at the thought of someone who can really help me see me for me, and accept me as I am, helping me to sort through my thoughts — even if they’re not about anxiety or eating issues — teaching me techniques I can use for the rest of my life.
One of the biggest things therapy has helped me do is separate rational and irrational thoughts. This requires thinking before speaking, something I’m not accustomed to doing.
That said, I’ve really been trying to think more before speaking … to make sure that my spoken (or written) thoughts are rational ones, to make sure I’m not putting demands on myself that are too high or unnatural.
This also means gauging my audience and thinking about them before speaking: be it at work, at a social function, amongst friends, or even here on my blog ….
Which, in a rather long-winded manner, brings me to today’s post about how I’ve been feeling about my body lately, an internal battle of sorts: accepting myself as I am, or struggling to re-lose these last 10 or so again. (more…)
23 comments November 14, 2008
On the Hunt for Moderation, “Information is a Gift”
I told Dr. G. last night about my big “coming out” yesterday.
And while she supports the notion of living authentically and listened intently, she also said something else that surprised me: “Remember, too, that information is a gift.”
She went on to say, “you choose when and how to give it.”
I’ll be honest; it took me a while to get what she was saying.
I’m of the Internet generation, where we’re encouraged to be transparent … even though we all know there’s certain risk involved in that. And being so open fits nicely with my personality. Given my “hardware”, I am the kind of person who wears her heart on her sleeve.
I tend to feel guilty when I am not being wholly transparent, which is why it was such a big deal for me to come clean about my identity on my various social media sites. And I’ve been known to over-share, to my own detriment.
In my mind, not sharing was being dishonest. (more…)
8 comments October 31, 2008
Living Authentically, Online & in Real Life
I had an epiphany yesterday: when I began blogging this past July, I was ready to dip my toes in the pool … but I was still afraid to go for a lengthy swim.
I was nervous about how I’d be perceived by friends and family as I shared my deepest thoughts and fears with the blogosphere. I wanted to remain semi-anonymous; just “a 20-something struggling with disordered eating issues.”
I didn’t expect to see 400-800 page views a day (and sometimes way, way more!). I was honestly writing for myself, and hoped there would be maybe a handful of readers that would find me online.
And find me, you have!
So while I identified myself as “Melissa” (which is, indeed, my name) and branded my blog by purchasing the domain name (which I’ll need to renew each year), I chose not to add my blog’s URL to my Facebook or Twitter pages. In fact, I didn’t even register my blog with Technorati — the biggest blog search engine!
Well … all of that changed yesterday.
In an e-mail exchange with Steph at Back in Skinny Jeans yesterday, she said something that totally hit home: “When you live authentically, the universe conspires with you.” (more…)
16 comments October 30, 2008
