The Party’s Over … or Just Beginning?
April 10, 2009
Roughly four weeks ago I decided that I was in control of my chewing and spitting behavior and that I could, indeed, CHOOSE not to do it. That I could be proud of my choices, not feel guilty for them.
In the two weeks that followed, I found myself over-eating on foods I used to chew/spit … and over-exercising. (I don’t share a recap of my days here like some bloggers do, but that’s the honest truth).
This past week, my exercise was more normalized, and I didn’t buy quite as many triggers. I also took a rest day (and will tomorrow, a travel day) … but I have been still eating more than I need to (for someone who still wants to lose weight and get back to where I feel my best).
Mostly, it’s been giving in to that-time-of-the-month cravings (which ends today, phew!), not flexing my resistance muscle, and just plain enjoying more than usual … (which isn’t such a bad thing, if I were able to be happy with my figure as it is … some days I am, other days … I’m not … call me Goldilocks, looking for something that’s juuuuuuuuuuuust right).
But as I’ve noted here, I’ve also eaten chocolate in the privacy of my car or at my work cufice that I know I just don’t need — and the secretive, sneaky way I do it … I wouldn’t want my friends, coworkers, husband, family to see. It’s embarassing.
So it is my hope that this coming week, I’ll finally see growth, evidence of that happy medium. Instead of trading one compulsion or obsession for another, I’m going to make the conscious decision to “think a little more before I chew.”
This does not imply being restrictive, but rather, being selective. Thinking like a healthy, naturally thin person.
They say it takes 21 days to create a habit or undo a habit. I passed that mark for chewing-and-spitting, and I know this means I’m on my way to a balanced life of exercise and food. One day at a time.
I am going home to New Jersey tomorrow to see my family, celebrate Passover and Easter, celebrate my dad’s birthday and say goodbye to my little bro before he ventures off to South Korea for a year to teach English.
I’m really looking forward to it, and hope to remember a lot of what I’ve been blogging about lately. That *I* AM in control.
A trip home is not something to come out of “victorious” or having “done well” — it’s not a black and white thing to be judged.
It’s just that: a trip home to see my loving, supportive family.
So while the over-eating party is over for the moment (and I realize it’s natural to over-eat at certain times; I’m certainly not saying I’ll never do it again), I’d like to think the party of my new life as someone really hell-bent on recovering and no longer suffering in private … is just beginning.
I don’t know about you, but I dig the sound of that.
Have a safe, happy, and healthy weekend.
As an FYI, I’ll have a post I’ve already written up Monday, my 5-yr Weight Watchers anniversary, but otherwise won’t be blogging again probably til Wed. or so.
Entry Filed under: Binge Eating, Emotional Eating, Exercise Addiction, chewing and spitting, eating disorders, exercise. Tags: binging, over-eating, over-exercising.
10 Comments Add your own
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Trackback this post | Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed
1.
Susie | April 10, 2009 at 6:09 am
Have a great time! I think as a restricter it’s really hard to watch this thought:
I’ve also eaten chocolate in the privacy of my car or at my work cufice that I know I just don’t need — and the secretive, sneaky way I do it … I wouldn’t want my friends, coworkers, husband, family to see. It’s embarassing.
You feel you don’t need it so you are embarassed. But EVERYONE eats treats, they just don’t feel embarassed about it. They don’t feel badly - if they are healthy about it. That is your DE speaking when it tells you: you shouldn’t be eating this, you are trying to lose weight, etc etc.
This is why I’ve come to believe that the only way I’m going to stop the cycle is to stop having weight loss goals and also to allow myself to eat whatever I am hungry for. Eventually I think it will even out but in the beginning it is really scary. I’m not going to lie and say I decided that an all of a sudden didn’t want my favourite treats. But eventually your body realizes waht you’ve been allowing yourself to eat and what you’ve been restricting, may not be in line with what you truly enjoy or dislike. This has really blown me away. I actually enjoy eating well and there are some “treats” that I really do pass up because I don’t care to have them.
This is just what struck me with your post. I really enjoy reading your thoughts.
2.
Cathy | April 10, 2009 at 7:21 am
Yeah, I know you pretty well M and if someone said: today is a day where u can eat everything u want and not gain a lb- I bet you would eat many of the same healthy choices you already eat!
I’m convinced you just enjoy eating! Which is no crime and should be enjoyed. I’m also convinced that you just have a sweet tooth! You have twisted these two loves into being something negative but they are not- u just need to learn how to make them work for you.
Dig chocolate? Find a kind you lovee in small individually rapped 50-100 cal servings and have a piece after lunch and dinner. Want type pretzels to munch on but know how carbs affect you? Count out a half serving and eat itwith some protein like pb so youdon’t reach back for more pretzels. Drink a ton of water to keep those hunger pangs at bay!
These are silly examples and things you know, but I think you have successfully identified your diet weaknesses and now it’s time to make them work for you so you can enjoy food again and stop letting every morsel you put in your mouth haunt you. It’s not something that should have to doe in a sneaky way! If you want to eat chocolate in your car- then do it andbe proud! Eating chocolate in your car is no crime- you think of it like it is!!!!!
3.
lissa10279 | April 10, 2009 at 8:15 am
Thanks for your insight, Susie … that is so true, it’s the other voice speaking, telling me I don’t need it, so I “hide it” — whereas if I just ate said chocolate in public, what would happen? Nada! It wouldn’t have that allure, either. Thank you, I’m glad you’re enjoying my posts, and I’m getting a lot from your comments — I like where you’re at — it’s inspiring!
Hi Cathy and thanks … you do know me well! You’re right, I would still choose my healthy choices, with maybe a little flexibility for other stuff. I do love food, and enjoy eating, dining, the experience, the ambiance and of course, the company. You’re right, I know what to do and the all or nothing approach sucks lemons.
4.
Holly | April 10, 2009 at 9:28 am
I’ve been having those TOTM cravings lately, too - and definitely overindulging. Like you said, it’s natural and most everyone does it. But when I beat myself up, THAT is what starts the vicious cycle. Hopefully this weekend (if I over-eat on Sunday, and I gave up candy for Lent so I’m a little nervous about being around chocolate!) I won’t do that.
Have fun with your family and have a safe trip home! Enjoy your time with them.
5.
lissa10279 | April 10, 2009 at 10:51 am
You’ll do great, Holly–just enjoy it!! Thank you — you too
6.
lara | April 10, 2009 at 11:13 am
I have always dealt with TOM chocolate cravings myself but recently have read a lot of stuff that says as a culture we make such a big deal about TOM cravings that it can almost bring them on even though we might not truly have them. We “expect” them and therefore have them. When I really focus in on what I am feeling during TOM it is often more of a sense of hunger/fatigue that I misinterpret as wanting sweets/chocolate. If I eat a bit more of my normal healthy, clean food I find I have no cravings and am fine with my one square of dark chocolate that I have every day.
7.
Lara (Thinspired) | April 10, 2009 at 11:14 am
Hi Melissa. Thanks for your last comment on my blog. Naturally I like this post! 21 days suddenly seems like a very long time, but if that is what it takes then that’s what it takes! Thank you so much for everything.
8.
lissa10279 | April 10, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Hi Lara and Lara!
Lara 1, This is why research is so frustrating — I’ve read stuff that says it’s NOT in our heads … though I do believe some people like to use it as a crutch to explain why they’ve eaten a gallon of ice cream … I’m not talking about that so much.
I do agree our bodies are fatigued during TOM and I know I always push myself with exercise esp then, b/c it helps ease cramps … but I was ZONKED this morning after my session and am so glad I’m off tomororw. Were I not traveling, I’d have switched the days. As for a chocolate square a day? Perfecto!! 
Hi Lara 2! Aw thanks … my pleasure - I love your blog! And I admire you a lot for saying what you said today. Remember, you’re not alone and even if you blend into multiple blog genres, so what? It’s YOU
9.
lara | April 10, 2009 at 12:41 pm
It is not so much that they are saying it is all in our heads, I think it does exist however we make it worse by thinking about it so much, expecting it, joking about it so much, etc and that can lead us to make a much bigger deal about it than it truly is. I have a big sweet tooth and I can definitely “convince” myself that it is worse because it is TOM and I just have to eat that extra chocolate or dessert. I also used to think well it is TOM so I can’t really control it. But we CAN control it. Just like we do other times of the month.
I am a major chocoholic but find if I have a square of really good quality dark chocolate it satisfies the craving without making me want more the way other cany like M&M’s, snickers, reeses, etc does. Those always lead me wanting more and more. And good, pure dark chocolate has anti-oxidants too
10.
lissa10279 | April 10, 2009 at 1:03 pm
That could be true. It is often a joke, but at the same time, I think it’s something that unites women of all colors, shapes, and sizes — the fact that our bodies in a way betray us, go haywire for a week of the month … and sometimes we feel like we’re not in control even though logically, yes we are. I think greater compulsions exist and it becomes harder to say no, at least from my experience, during TOM. But it doesn’t mean I am powerless to stop it. Sometimes, frankly, I don’t WANT to, and I think other women might feel that way too. That said, dark chocolate is my fave, too — yummmmmm and a great way to “spend” pts/calories/TOM cravings.