Tales of a (Recovering) Disordered Eater

I’m learning through therapy that I struggle with the notion of “delayed gratification.”

As an anxious person, I like things here and now and done yesterday, not tomorrow.

So naturally, given my anxious hardwiring, it’s not always easy for me to, as Dr. G. says, “override immediate gratification” in favor of delayed gratification.

I can do it for some things that focus on the greater good (journaling diligently, exercising, studying, etc) but not for everything (my less-than-stellar spending habits).

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a compulsive person. For me it’s never been about drugs or alcohol or gambling or promiscuity or anything that could do me bodily harm, but I am compulsive in my thoughts. Food and shopping tend to be two ways my compulsion manifests itself. (Talking incessantly (or thinking) is another).

For instance, when I go shopping, I go shopping. (i.e., often a spree — after which, I often feel guilty and march back to said stores, receipts in hand). (more…)